For Those Determined to Read Vamp-Fic

For a more or less accurate and thinly-disguised account of a possible relationship with a vampire, read Robin McKinley's Sunshine.

From Publishers Weekly
Buffyesque baker Rae "Sunshine" Seddon meets Count Dracula's hunky Byronic cousin in Newbery-Award-winner McKinley's first adult-and-then-some romp through the darkling streets of a spooky post-Voodoo Wars world. Now that human cities have been decimated, the vampiric elite holds one-fifth of the world's capital, threatening to control all the earth in less than 100 years, unless human SOFs (Special Other Forces) can hold them at bay by recruiting Sunshine, daughter of legendary sorcerer Onyx Blaise. As breathlessly narrated by Sunshine herself, the Cinnamon Roll Queen of Charlie's Coffeehouse, in the inchoate idiom of Britney, J. Lo and the Spice Girls, Sunshine's coming-of-magical-age launches when she is swarmed by noiseless vampires one night and chained in a decrepit ballroom as an entr‚e for mysterious, magnetic, half-starved Constantine, a powerful vampire whose mortal enemy Bo (short for Beauregard) shackled him there to perish slowly from daylight and deprivation. Most of the charm of this long venture into magic maturation derives from McKinley's keen ear and sensitive atmospherics, deft characterizations and clever juxtapositions of reality and the supernatural that might, just might, be lurking out there in "bad spots" right around a creepy urban corner or next to a deserted lake cabin. McKinley knows very well-and makes her readers believe-that "the insides of our own minds are the scariest things there are."

From Booklist
Rae Seddon, nicknamed Sunshine, lives a quiet life working at her stepfather's bakery. One night, she goes out to the lake for some peace and quiet. Big mistake. She is set upon by vampires, who take her to an old mansion. They chain her to the wall and leave her with another vampire, who is also chained. But the vampire, Constantine, doesn't try to eat her. Instead, he implores her to tell him stories to keep them both sane. Realizing she will have to save herself, Sunshine calls on the long-forgotten powers her grandmother began to cultivate in her when she was a child. She transforms her pocketknife into a key and unchains herself--and Constantine. Surprised, he agrees to flee with her when she offers to protect him from the sun with magic. They escape back to town, but Constantine knows his enemies won't be far behind, which means that he and Sunshine will have to face them together. A luminous, entrancing novel with an enthralling pair of characters at its heart.

Aside from a few unbelievable flights-of-fancy (magical protection from sunlight, for example), the story is a fairly accurate representation of what could happen in a relationship between a person with Fey ancestry and an ambivalent vampire.

Werewolf Moon

We are currently at 96% full of the Waxing Gibbous Moon, which means that the danger of werewolf attack is at its height. For those who are not adequately briefed on the current phase of the moon, moonconnection.com offers a fairly simple diagram and description:

...the new moon occurs when the moon is positioned between the earth and sun. The three objects are in approximate alignment (why "approximate" is explained below). The entire illuminated portion of the moon is on the back side of the moon, the half that we cannot see.

At a full moon, the earth, moon, and sun are in approximate alignment, just as the new moon, but the moon is on the opposite side of the earth, so the entire sunlit part of the moon is facing us. The shadowed portion is entirely hidden from view.

The first quarter and third quarter moons (both often called a "half moon"), happen when the moon is at a 90 degree angle with respect to the earth and sun. So we are seeing exactly half of the moon illuminated and half in shadow.

Once you understand those four key moon phases, the phases between should be fairly easy to visualize, as the illuminated portion gradually transitions between them.

An easy way to remember and understand those "between" lunar phase names is by breaking out and defining 4 words: crescent, gibbous, waxing, and waning. The word crescent refers to the phases where the moon is less that half illuminated. The word gibbous refers to phases where the moon is more than half illuminated. Waxing essentially means "growing" or expanding in illumination, and waning means "shrinking" or decreasing in illumination.

Thus you can simply combine the two words to create the phase name, as follows:

After the new moon, the sunlit portion is increasing, but less than half, so it is waxing crescent. After the first quarter, the sunlit portion is still increasing, but now it is more than half, so it is waxing gibbous. After the full moon (maximum illumination), the light continually decreases. So the waning gibbous phase occurs next. Following the third quarter is the waning crescent, which wanes until the light is completely gone -- a new moon.

Precautions are in order from the night before through the night after the full moon.

Second Report from the Congressional Committee on Non-Human Involvement in the Global Economy

A reader asked about what we know of vampire social structures. The newly released report from the Congressional Committee states:

There is no vampire society as humans understand the term. Vampire language or culture is an amalgam of the affiliated vampires’ original language(s) and culture(s), plus the exigencies of vampiric nature itself. “Affiliation” here is loosely used. Vampires are either solitary hunters or organized in small packs with very old, very powerful vampires at the head of each gang or fiefdom. Archaic languages or cultural artifacts may be incidentally preserved in this way (but unfortunately remain unavailable to human scholarly examination).

Alliances between powerful vampires of equal status are rare. Love relationships are not believed to occur between vampires. Exceptions are occasionally reported, but have not been substantiated. The relationship of vampire to vampire is competitive and usually hostile or exploitive; vampire society appears to observers to be entirely parasitic, hierarchical, and power-driven.

Inter-vampire aggression may impinge upon humanity in the following ways: when one solitary vampire moves in on another’s territory, upsetting the original vampire’s routine of hidden predation; or when two (or more) vampire packs begin a war as a part of a dominance contest between ancient and powerful gang leaders and their adepts and acolytes.

Older or more powerful vampires may have a retinue or entourage of more recently Turned vampires which they support and protect (in a fashion) and upon which they depend for obtaining human victims and psychic energy. This entourage has sometimes been found to include human and other preternatural “pets,” “servants,” or “companions” who are tapped for blood but who do not usually die immediately. It is rumored that minimal but continued blood contribution in such a situation may result in a greatly extended lifespan for the human, as well as the gain of unspecified preternatural powers. Fortunately, although misguided or mentally ill humans might seek to join a vampire entourage in this type of relationship, it is evidently rare, and available only to or with master vampires. There is some indication that rumors about the existence of immortal human companions may be deliberately encouraged by vampires to maintain a supply of volunteers. True or not, humans in such mutually parasitic or symbiotic relationships with vampires are lost to their former lives.

Despite the lack of a cooperative society, vampires appear to have paralleled or in several instances proportionally surpassed human economic and scientific endeavor. Vampire science and technology focus on many of the same issues as human science. Medical research continues in two main areas: that of blood (from synthesizing whole blood substitutes to isolating specific properties relevant to nutrition, regeneration, telepathic communication, and hypnosis), and particularly that of protection from sunlight. All vampires possess at least a modicum of Dark magic, unlike humans, in whom substantive magical ability is rare without at least some “fey” inheritance (English vernacular—see companion Fact Sheet Magical Creatures of Northwest Europe—such creatures in other geographic and/or cultural regions are variously denoted according to language). The combination of wizardry, fierce competitiveness, and the wealth and information acquired by powerful survivors during centuries-long existence, makes emerging vampire science and technology a creditable threat to human society.

Chilling.

Support Organization for Ghosts and Haunts

Just recently I discovered that the American Association for the Advancement of Ghosts and Haunts (with the somewhat unfortunate acronym AAAGH--pronounced "Triple-A Gee Aitch") sponsors a weekly support group at the McCune Mansion. Those Dead individuals who find materializing/manifesting difficult during evening hours should be reassured that the group meets only after the Mansion's activities for the living are over--at 3 a.m. on Thursdays.

P.S. The AAAGH's local representative asks me to "remind interested persons to please show respect for our site and don't disturb the human caretaker who is resident (and hopefully sleeping) at that hour. McCune Mansion staff have had difficulty in the past with group members moaning, depositing ectoplasm, dripping blood, and clanking chains in such a manner as to jeopardize the support group's welcome there. Remember, the group is for our benefit and it doesn't help to frighten the sponsor away."

Buffy vs. Edward

Here is a link to an appropriate reaction to being stalked by a vampire (from Rebellious Pixels--the link is the YouTube wide version).

Twilight Spoof

These home video-ers were able to capture the essential absurdity of the so-called "vampires" in this dangerous teen romance:

How Many Vampires Exist?

From the Congressional Committee on Non-Human Involvement in the Global Economy:

Unknown. Prior to the Attacks of October, vampires were believed to be extremely rare in this country. Estimates now range from one or two to several dozen per major metropolitan area. The Attacks proved that a very small number of vampires can cause immense damage to the national economy—with severe disruptions to business, societal, and governmental functioning—while causing relatively few deaths and little property damage. Perhaps the greatest harm from the Attacks and their aftermath has been to the societal intangibles of safety, morale, and freedom.